I don’t know where to start.
Did you guys see my “group” (I’m solo tho’) name? My symbol of resistance against this cursed pandemic?
When I started this, I had one objective in mind, that is to bring even a bit happy time in these dark hours, some of which turns out to upset some people, but overall, what I did is still within my expectation, I archived what I want, and needless to say, I’m happy with it.
Until I’m not.
And today was the day it happens.
The cursed COVID-19 finally caught up with my family; my beloved uncle, the one I respected so much despite our differences, has been called to His side.
When the news came to me, I shed no tears; it’s more like I can’t. The shock was too great.
He’s a great fighter, the most righteous man I’ve ever meet in my life, a role model on how a man is supposed to live his life.
When he first caught the disease, I was like, “oh that virus going to have a bad time against him, he is a former navy, and he currently working as dock manager in my country managed company, he got all the medicine and facility he needs and willpower to fight it, those viruses won’t even have a chance.”
But I was so wrong.
He was a mortal.
And the viruses win.
Somehow, I didn’t feel a bit sad at his funeral. They showed it online to our family, a part of their way of honoring his service for all those years.
But when I finally got my chance to be alone, the feeling comes like a tidal wave.
So, this is what depression feels like? I’m fairly confident that I’m an insensitive person that can brush off a small feeling like that. Today I learned that I’ve been arrogant.
I tried to busy myself by translating some chapters, but the words won’t form in my head.
I tried to watch TikTok, play games, I tried everything to distract myself, but I can’t run away from this sudden feeling of… helplessness.
I don’t know.
This is the second time I’ve ever felt this way.
The first one is when my father suddenly passed away.
Maybe unconsciously, I had already treated my uncle as my second father.
I felt no pain, only emptiness.
Right, I don’t even know what I want to archive by writing this. I just feel that I need to let my tears come out to the point that I can’t shed them anymore.
Right… I don’t even know.
But… I know that I need time.
Hopefully, I could continue as normal ASAP, but as for now, I feel like I needed time to arrange my feelings.
To my reader, forgive me.
The fourth chapter won’t come this week.
No matter how long you wait.
But I believe that I can live up to my motto. No, I WILL live up to my motto.
This will serve as good revenge for that cursed virus, or at least that’s what I feel.
That’s all, I guess; I just need to vent.