PMZ 085 – Understander

“…do not want.”  

Hayato’s answer was “No”.  

I felt relieved, but also somewhat disappointed. It’s a feeling I’m already familiar with.  

“I see. Okay then.”  

I exhaled, relaxed my body, and stared at the ceiling.  

If you add up my previous lives and this one, I’ve lived a total of 33 years, but most of that time was spent as a child, and I’ve never had anything to do with a man. I’ve never really grown up.  

That’s why I don’t really understand what Hayato was thinking when he said, “do not want.”  

Am I not attractive?  

I like the way I look on the outside, but not on the inside. ……  

But it’s not uncommon for a woman’s perspective to differ from a man’s perspective. In fact, maybe I’m not that attractive?  

Or he had a very strong mind. I heard that men are a wolf-like creature that tends to devour anything they can get their hands into, even if they don’t actually want it, but I don’t think that applies to this guy.  

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but personally, I think it’s better if you taste your food first rather than order it as a complete meal. Sister Carlos once said it’s impossible to get Hayato with a half-hearted effort, so I guess it was the later.  

I decided to ask further questions to Hayato, who was slumped over next to me. It’s a question that I could only ask at this moment.  

“Hayato, are you not really interested in girls?”  

It was a very meaningful question. But even so, I chose my words carefully. I couldn’t ask him if he didn’t have that kind of desire.  

Even so, I think we have built a trusting relationship to the point where we can talk about such delicate matters. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to ask him this.  

Hayato looked up, rolled over, and rested his face on his cheek as he answered.  

“No way. I’m definitely interested.”  

Is that so?  

“But you don’t seem to like it, are you? You could have played with a lot of girls if you wanted to.”  

“Hmmm… I’ve been invited out a lot, but I’ve always tried to avoid going deep into relationships.”  


“It’s bad to lay your hand on someone without intending to marry them.”  

I received dazzlingly pure opinions.  

I don’t know why I can’t look him straight in the eye.  

“When I was at the orphanage, I used to see a woman with a baby-like child. When I was at the orphanage, I used to see a woman with a baby-like child crying and asking me to take care of it because she couldn’t raise it by herself. I’m sure there are many reasons why she was left alone, but if it wasn’t bereavement, it was just the convenience of adults.  

It was very painful to see a small child who was left behind like that, they often woke up in the middle of the night, looking around for his mother, saying, “Mommy,” while crying… I thought I would never let that happen to anyone else when I grew up.”  

I see…  

So that’s what you had in mind.   

It wasn’t just pure. The reason was much more profound than I imagined.  

I have no choice but to respect it, from now on, I’ll refrain from playing dangerously like this.  

“Then… what about me?”  

You intend to marry me, right? I wonder if he had another reason.  

“There are many reasons, but the most important one is that you are precious.”  

…I don’t understand. I don’t think cherishing it is necessarily equal to not lay your hands on me.  

I’m not trying to be pushy, but I wanted to know.  

I just wanted to know what he thinks about me.  

“You will never know what life has in store for you. If we planned to get married and have a deep relationship before it, but let’s say, I die in an accident or get sick before we get married, Alice would be in trouble, right? For a time like that, as long as I haven’t touched you, I think there’s still a way for you to have normal happiness.”  

“Please don’t say such ominous things. I can’t imagine a future without you. It would have been impossible before I met you, but now I know it’s absolutely impossible for me to marry anyone else.”  

He laughed, reached out, and hugged my head.  

“Thank you. I’m glad you feel that way.”  

It may seem a little early to be thinking about death in your mid-teens, but he had lost his parents early, his friends had disappeared before he knew it, and the adventuring lifestyle itself – he knows better than I do.  

I can’t help but think of myself as a memento mori(keepsake). {tln}  

However, I have already died once, and because I don’t know when I will die, I want to live my life with no regrets.  

Although I have regrets about my previous life when I died early, I would like to cherish my present life after having already lived 15 years as Alisha.  

For me, living a life without regrets is…  

“So, Alice. After we get married, let me feel you a lot.”  

I smiled and nodded at his somewhat disappointing finish.  

For me, the way to live without regrets is to take care of this person and deepen my understanding of him. It would be even better if I could live with a smile on my face.  

“I understand now. I’m sorry for asking such a strange question. I’ll be careful not to tease you too much from now on until we get married.”  



“That would be too… lonely then…, please keep doing as usual, maybe you can go a bit harder sometimes too.”  

“You can be a bit of a disappointment sometimes.”  

But I love that about you too!  

“I don’t know… It’s not just Alice, but my sister, childhood friend, and Pete also say that. Am I that stupid?  

“I don’t think you are, if this help, Mr. Principal recently saying that I belong to your type too. Aren’t you glad, the number of people like you has increased.”  

“Mr. Principal says what?”  

“About your three-lined report.”  

“That’s… But Alice said it was fine.”  

“That’s why I’m stupid too, he said that we are an idiot couple.”  

He smiled wryly. I wonder if this is something good.  

“Well… so be it.”  

“Yeah, time to change the subject.”  

“By the way, I’ve arranged to have lunch with Anna tomorrow.”  

“That’s sudden. okay, so?”  

“I thought I’d tell you first so you wouldn’t misunderstand. I’m not going to bully her. I just want to talk to her.”  

“What do you want to talk about?”  

“I don’t have a specific plan, but I want to get to know her better, so I’ll probably ask her about her family. But I have a feeling that she won’t talk very much… In fact, men are more suitable for the job. I’m sure I will produce a better result if you cooperate.”  

“No way, I’m scared.”  

“I just need a bit of help, and it won’t be free. Since I will use your break hour, you can treat it like I offered you a quest.”  

“That depends on the content.”  

“That’s right. Well, it’s not a big deal, but…”  

When I explained, he looked at me strangely.  

“I’ve never been asked to do anything like that before. Are you sure you want to do that?”  

“Yes. I thought it would be more effective since there would probably be a lot of silence.”  

Hayato and I had a meeting for tomorrow while still in bed.  

AN Note:  

Thanks to your support, the book has been published.  

I would like to express my utmost gratitude to those who have been following my work.  

Thank you very much.  

I’d like to thank everyone who has been playing with me in the feedback section, connecting with me on Twitter, and sending me messages.  

Thank you very much.  

More details will be posted as they become available.  

TL notes:   

Author’s Twitter:  

Show them some of your art and love.  


Damn Hayato is hot.  


I want to use dirty wordssssss  

Memento Mori – I don’t know if this the exact translation for this, but basically, it’s a keepsake item to remembering someone’s death. 


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2 Responses

  1. Pruplesh says:

    Your work is awesome!! Be proud of it (◠‿・)—☆ thanks for the update

  2. Panacea Seer says:

    If I go by my art history class explanation a memento mori is more than a keepsake, its an object or symbol that reminds you of the inevitability of death. from tombstones and skulls to lily flowers or November rain . just something that serves as a reminder that life is transient.

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